'bZ'

3rd day has ended :D Monday wasn't that blue thanks to Ikea's cappucino and the LOS King. Work is bearable with books and music, thankfully :D Should I or should I not succumb to wiping plates?

The music on my Now Playing list follows my mood. I guess it's currently on electronica/dance/clubbing? HAH.

Kpop really is an acquired taste hahahhahahaa xD

Mwerri Kwismas

*nyam* :D

Life as we know it

Currently listening to my favouritest song in the world now has made me nostalgic. Looking through my photos from 2005 to now, it really strikes me how I and the people around me have grown. You grow accustomed to changes and when I looked back just now, I didn't realize because it was so gradual.

You adapt.

2005: Wushu was a huge part of my life then. Along with the Maths Gang, the girls and PMR. All I had to worry about was making time for friends, practicing enough to score an A in Math and making my wushu routines perfect.

2006: Wushu was still a huge part, but a significant person entered my life, and stayed for almost three years. Here was when I took part in more activities in school, met Khai Sim in Unggul and enjoyed traipsing to the park every day in the evening. Said significant person transferred from Taman Sea to DJ and was one of my year's best athletes. Said significant person chose this nerdy librarian and practically overnight I was known in school. One heck of a change; don't play play with DJ's hierarchy :) It's a jungle. Also scored myself a place in Selangor's Youth Wushu team; that was a 16 year old's dream :)

2007: Juggled significant person, SPM, friends and was very challenged when had to perform for Agung's installation. Travelling every evening for a few weeks to Dataran to rehearse til midnight, come home to sleep and go to school a zombie the next day. Couple that with 3-times-a-week training, now looking back, I didn't know how I coped then :P Also had notorious classmates :D Every day was a fun day; Mersawa was legendary. SPM results weren't brilliant, but that didn't matter as much to me; I knew what I wanted to do.

2008: Entered college; here was when we began to drift apart. Some things just happen, and sometimes you don't know how to fix them. Made more new friends, some to appear in my uni life currently :) Wushu also was waning, at times quite tiresome. Come 2009, it marked the 7th year since I started the sport. I was also a regular at the park by now, but would only go when Khai Sim asked me to. It was still a foreign world; it was just fun to watch them play basketball. Pasar and birthdays I was brought along because of her.

2009: Was one of the turning points in my life when the decision was made to sever the knot. Life and sleep was difficult, but I kept going. That was until middle of the year :) By then I knew a few of the guys at park; Jack, Kevin, Lucas, Xiang, Ben.. Khai Sim had found herself a job at E-books. That evening I had a headache from studying for finals, so I walked to the place where I knew I would find peace: the park. Kevin and Ben gathered a few of us for a pasar trip :) Jack, Lucas, Kevin, Ben, Xiang, Jeremy and I :)

Found ourselves with bubble tea/sui char with the guys discussing Dota while I rolled my eyes. I knew KS was working that night, so we planned to surprise her. Oh, she was surprised all right :P From then on, Park Kakis were formed. I always thought PKs were a unique bunch that just..clicked. From that Sunday night onwards, we found ourselves at the park, weekly pasar trips and meet ups whenever we could, it was an interesting time where everyone was getting to know each other.

I got to know Boon Yen and Jia Ping when KS brought me along to my very first Scream K session with them. JP picked us all up, KS overslept and they warmed up by singing MJ in the car. I was treated to a live performance of Earth Song; vocals by JP and actions by BY. Truly, truly memorable. Was also the time I brought them in to work at BR's 31st. Believe it or not, this was the time Centrepoint's sales rose by several thousand and got better every time.

I also got hooked onto L4D, thanks to KS, Lucas and Xiang who brought me to play my first game. PKs also had a lot of interesting adventures. I'm quite tired of explaining by now, so I'll say this for the final time. Like I said, it was a time where everyone just clicked and hung out practically every other day. Xiang and I got talking over MSN and a bond formed to the point we talked almost every day and I could tell him stuff. We were never 'that way'. He was the oldest of all of us (except the times when SK came along) and I saw him as the older brother I never had. He taught me how to play L4D, CS and CDT, but basketball never stuck :P

Of course, most of the times I was the only girl in the group and he watched out for me. And with that too, comes rumours. When he left for UK I was upset, but life goes on. Uni took up most of his time and with the time difference, that friendship slowly diminished. Then, comes in Ben. Yes we dated for a few months. Yes I was aware he was too, going off to UK. But..some things you can't decide to switch off.

The beginning of 2010 was messy, but to give him credit, I had one of the best birthdays EVER.

2010: PKs had some new members :P Kevin brought in SK, BY brought in Chun Tat. I started my internship and had a very interesting 6 months there. Like most relationships, once you know a person at their best and worse, the ugly side shows. Several disputes erupted and I took time to sort through them. Was it wrong of me to interfere? To make things better? The memories of PK happy times were too good to be replaced with ugly ones. Slowly from one big group, PKs broke into smaller cliques to go for outings to keep people happy. Some nights I went takei with CT and BY at Tbun haha. But majority of big group outings were no more. Ben and I ended things at the end of February. It hit me harder than I expected; took me quite some time to pull myself out of depression and cool the molten lava fury I had.

Cliche by now and yes, life went on.

I didn't want to face the emotions upon ending my first relationship, I let myself believe that if I kept myself busy enough it would go away, versus the crying-myself-to-sleep-every-night. Took me long enough to realise it didn't work, it haunted me until November. I had my first long break since high school ended, that left me with a lot of free thinking time and I was busy working.

Internship was a valuable experience; working life had its ups and downs and stressful moments. Chun Tat and Jack, I'm very grateful to you both for making a lot of stops to take me out for lunch and cheering me up with endless threads on Facebook :) Thank you Chun Tat for playing driver for most of our outings; BY's birthday, takei sessions, scream K sessions, pink Wednesdays at BR and other stuff I can't think of now.

After internship came a crazy month of at a certain bookstore chain :) That was when I lost the weight I gained from yummy lunches with Integricitizens. PKs slowly became international; Xiang and Ben in UK, Kevin left for Australia shortly after. I signed myself up for a month of rest before starting uni. That was a mad process itself.

My first uni sem was a wild rollercoaster ride. My limits were severely tested and late nights became the norm. Thank you LOS King for the company :) I wrote, directed, filmed and edited a short video featuring J, CT, BY and Lucas. Though I didn't receive an excellent grade, it was an experience nonetheless. I wrote news articles, designed news pages and websites, made a whole digital production from initial idea to storyboarding to making the film and presenting it in an online format, and scratched my head to make digital stories.

At least I know which areas to improve on next sem.

Xiang returned for the summer, but things were different this time around. Sadly it took a longer time to break the ice. Pasar trips and yumcha sessions slowed down, there wasn't much to talk about anymore. We gathered to celebrate birthdays, some takei sessions, but that was mostly it. The park slowly emptied and it was hard to face a court full of people I don't share memories with.

Chor dai ti recently resurrected when we taught CT and TS how to play :) Also our yumcha venue moved to OTWC more often than MT because it was cleaner :P OTWC became a place to do our assignments; order a cup of caffeine and sit there for hours on end.

Come September, JP left for UK too. But before that we had one last scream K session with the three Mech Engineers, ST, BY and I.

During the semester, on Tuesdays it was Chian Hui's turn to drive and as a package deal, she brought me along to Christian Fellowship. For three months and half, I was lost during worship and didn't quite understand when they 'left things to faith'. But Grace told me God brought me to CF for a reason. That time, my reason was because Chian Hui was my ride home :P

December was a work drought; after that mad bookstore I wanted something more...calming. It seemed almost every job was horribly overworked and pay was abysmal. With lots of rejects and free time since the sem ended, I once came to face that emotion volcano. It bothered me a lot. There wasn't much I could do except hang out, only to come home to Facebook. Not very pleasant.

I borrowed some novels and brought back my childhood passion. Seems that I can't run away from reading and writing; it practically makes me. Hah. Slowly things began to turn around. That very night I was hooked on to SHINee, I received an sms in the early am asking me whether I wanted to work. Before I went to sleep, I said a prayer of thanks.

Funny how simple things like that can light up my entire week. That brings me to this week. I managed 5 rounds around the park for two days. Silly me slept around 1am when I was due up for the Genting trip. Even worse, I woke around 5.30am. How's that for LOS... I nearly didn't make the Genting trip because
1) It was rainy season
2) Going up in a bus
3) Genting

Plus that Cameron bus crash threw my mom into paranoia. I prayed. I prayed for good weather and a good day before I slept that night. I made it up in one piece, weather held up until 3pm when it started raining. But it  was alright. Genting theme park was stuffed with tour groups and people on holiday. I lined up for an hour and half to ride the Cockscrew! Maybe it was the lack of sleep and stubbornness of some people, so I prayed for patience in order not to blow up.

My silly friends bought tickets for the 8.30pm bus down, it was raining and we decided to go home early. The roads were wet and earlier on the way up, the bus driver was fast. Again, I prayed for a safe journey home. Call it a coincidence, but the moment I finished and opened my eyes, my friend pointed out that two cars made their way in front of the bus so the driver couldn't drive as he liked :) We reached BU safely.

I slept early that night, but it wasn't a restful sleep. Woke up and got ready for bowling with Ee May, Jia Huey and Kay Sze with Yen watching. I wasn't expecting any gifts, but Jia Huey arrived and surprised me with a Tall Starbucks Dark Mocha. I was stunned for a few moments; I had a Dark Mocha in Genting the day before :P With Santa Pig also promised me a Creme Brulee for my birthday, I erred for awhile. Yen too, arrived with a Starbucks carrier bag with two presents inside. Am touched :)

Bowling was goooood. I ended two games with a score of 86 and 96. Yeah, I had a few strikes, spares and gutter balls to balance it out. Hee :D Went to get BR ice cream after. I dropped Yen home and entered my own with a few minutes to spare before 4pm. KS came over to copy Supernatural and left for park after. I crashed on my bed until 6.30pm when I went out for dinner with the family :)

Was almost and considering cancelled birthday yumcha with PKs cuz I was seriously tired when KS called for yumcha at Wong Kok. I agreed to wait, since I was in the area anyway. That ended up with me waiting for all of them to arrive with lots and lots and lots of siham teasing throughout the night.

I had a great time, I really did :) They were all there, not as a big group as such, but it meant a lot. I stayed up again in the early am, waiting for the caffeine to make its exit.

Since that night things turned around, I think I have found the reason You brought me to CF. It took awhile to see it, but I saw Your grace :) After that first prayer, for the first time since the year started I finally felt at peace with myself. I could finally forgive my mistakes, horrible and made in error of judgement they were. If He could forgive, so could I forgive myself.

2010 is almost ending; after my birthday the year seems to speed up. The year wasn't perfect. Good things balanced out the horrible. I had good friends to keep me away from destructive thoughts. 2010 was a year I learned and probably went through a lot of emotional and physical turmoil. I had my limits tested and stretched. I found myself doing projects I never thought possible of myself.

I'm not perfect; I get grumpy when I'm hungry. Here's a fact for you. I have made it known to some that I do have low blood pressure. Last I checked it was below a 100. So at times when I say I'm tired, I am tired. It's tougher when I'm being made to wait for food. My blood sugar drops. My strength goes. I get grumpy and tired.

Also, I do have a temper. In anger, I say things I don't mean. But if you mean a lot to me, I will always make it up to you. Unless you really deserve it and I can't be arsed. I find myself the on the receiving end of people's complains. I do have limits and when you drive me up the wall, I have the right to get it out of my system.

In gratitude, I have listened to complains to downright insults about my friends. But I don't say anything to you because you have done a lot for me. It may irk some because someone is behaving a certain way, but I've learned to understand the reason behind the behaviour and how the person is. It makes life so much easier after that. And bearable. I can't change who you are, but can I change my perception towards you.

I'm only human; I make mistakes and regret decisions, but those make who I am today. I get my heart broken   and some days things just don't go the way I want them to. Last year, Xiang discovered this random quote generator. The one that sticks with me is, "Every day is a new day". Of course it doesn't apply to everything, it's enough to remind myself the morning after a bad day.

Wow... I haven't written such a long post in a longggg time... It's kind of a liberating rawness. But a good kind :) Well.. I have to work tomorrow, but Christmas is just another day to me when it means the world to someone else. Doesn't matter that much to me.

I'm glad to say I have reignited some old friendships. They are the best kind, ya know? :) Like stars, they will always be there. You just have to notice them.

Okay it's 9.30pm. I can't delay eating dinner any longer, though still feeling full from my 'sandwich' at lunch. Sandwich. What a con.

p.s. If you're extremely curious about the post below this one, ask. Assuming is dangerous ;) There is a reason why I call this blog Conversations Inside My Head.

Let this love begin

As if I was shaken up by love, this trembling feeling has made everything unclear. So I try and focus on only you but I can't reach your heart, leaving me torn apart.

But as I get closer, you move further away. Even in the sunlight; as I get nearer, you become harder to find.

All about you, love you ♥ I wanna be with you, only you. My heart has always been the same, I left it still for you. The same heart you seem to have a grip on is still beating.

Even if I threw everything away and was left with nothing, I only need you cause you're my everything. And if you ever wanted anything, I would give it all to you.

My love ♥

20

Genting with MG :)
Bowling, dinner and then yumcha supper, my 20th was a blast :)

Thank you all who wished, attended and celebrated with me :D The theme was dark choc, haha. But underlying one was siham :P Thank you PKs for the cake, too.

You gave me a celebration to remember, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you (: Haven't had enough sleep for the past few days, but what the heck, I'm touched nonetheless.

I'm 20 ahaha *dances*

Love still goes on

It's 1.21am and I'm still not asleep :P

I have spent the last hour devouring SHINee's Lucifer. I have to say, even SuJu's albums did not hit me that hard. Individual songs, yes. Lucifer hit me with the force of an incoming meteor.

A couple of hours ago while trading viruses with CT, I said I hadn't found any good music in awhile. Then Lucifer/Hello hit me.

Omgomgomg :D :D :D :D :D

To make up for my previous misses, I may be able to work in December after all :)

I'm blessed, I really am :) Thank you Big Guy in the Sky :) :) Thank you thank you thank you thank you :)

Fivefivefivefivefive

My body says SLEEP, dammit, but my mind is enjoying SHINee's tunes :P

Okay I lied, Korean week came earlier than expected. I have a feeling it might turn into Korean month. Getting good goosebumps omgomgomg :D Goosebumps. I never get goosebumps!!!!!

Ajajajaja.. Maybe it's the mood BUT the songs are hitting the right spots!!!!!

LOVE!!!!!!!

Hello, hello

Banyak comel.

---

There is such a thing as trying too hard. After many rejects and applications, I decided to give it up for working in December. If cannot, cannot lah.

Yesterday I finally returned Yen's long overdue books heeee. I came back with several Cecilia Aherns, Nicholas Sparks and Mini Shopaholic, the latest from the Shopaholic series. As I'm typing this, I have just started on Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, having finished Mini Shopaholic and The Last Song.


Yinyee Wong says
hehe
i finished shopaholic and the last song d

BabyShim Yen says
OMG! bookworm really bookworm ==

Yinyee Wong says
xD

BabyShim Yen says
less than a day = =
GOD!!!!

Yinyee Wong says
hahaha

Hehe *twiddles thumbs* That's about 893 pages since yesterday... And I thought I lost my speed-reading talent. Yes talent *cough*. Modern technology makes you impatient. I remember finishing Mini Shopaholic around this time yesterday, after coming home from the potluck.

The agony of tearing myself away from the most kancheong part to show face at the potluck :(

Both were good books; one made me laugh so hard and the other made me cry.

Several of Nicholas Sparks' books were made into movies, but I'm not sure if I want to watch them. The expectation I have for them is never reached. The story I read just doesn't match what's in the movie and that annoys me to the core.

Prime example: Harry Potter.
Yes, the movie's fine for those who haven't read the books. Sorcerer's Stone was acceptable, but Chamber of Secrets put me off the series entirely. I started watching again when I had forgotten the minute details of the books and it was easier to swallow.

Ya lah, I know I very anal.

But, the books painted such a magical picture and I was at the point where I was so into the story that I could picture the scenes and dialogue. You tell me that won't annoy you when you close the cover of the book, satisfied and the movie doesn't do the book justice??

Which brings my next growl, Twilight.
Mamma mia, the books were fine; Bella was told to be a smart girl in advanced placement classes with opinions and in the movie I wanted to hurl. Yeaaaa, there WAS too much dialogue and the two were such statues. Twilight I watched on pirated DVD with extremely bad quality didn't help at all.

It was a mistake to watch New Moon in the cinemas.... NO, not my idea at all to watch it.

I'm ranting, aren't I.. Hehee..

My sister always said I read at the speed of a bullet train. When that fact reached my parents, my mom discouraged me from buying books because she said there was no point :P My mom even bribed me a book for every 'A' I got in school because I wasn't doing that brilliantly. I wasn't hard to be kept occupied as a child; throw me a book and I'd be curled up in a corner for hours (depending on said book).

Oh I just made myself akin to a dog...

When I reached that age that was too old for kids stories and still too young for chic lit, I was at a loss. What the hell to read laaaaa... Fortunately Harry Potter, Roald Dahl, Louise Rennison, Lucy M. Maudgomery came to the rescue for the last 10 years.

I am still considering buying the whole lot of HP over the other kind of HP. All for less than RM300, when I'm fighting with myself over getting a RM700 HP. What is wrong with meeee?? At one point I was considering getting a Kindle, since I could not ever match my reading speed with available books. It's true reading on a Kindle will not beat the feeling of holding a book... but heck, I'm looking at ease of getting books (albeit electronic form) over storage space and the feeling of knowing a story back to front.

Sources have been scarce :D I shamelyfreely admit there are some books I can pick up and continue reading at a random page because I know it off by heart. I'm not sure what to do when I finish the pile. Most likely and ruthlessly read them over and over again before returning them to owner :D


BabyShim Yen says
no comments la

Yinyee Wong says
you just commented xD

BabyShim Yen says
really la
i am speechless
thats all speeecccchhhhllllesssssss

I love youuuu, Yen. Heeehee. I shall return to Dear John now, and try my extreme best to prolong my time with the book. Nothing I can do once I'm transported into the magical land of.. Oh stop it, this is not Narnia. Now there's a series I have devour again before the next sem starts :D *looks around wildly*

Okay, okay, read a bit more then sleep. I have been commissioned to wash ye olde Mitsu station wagon tomorrow :D It was fun after washing the Viva that day.......

I better end before I go off on another ramble :D

Promises

I will not compromise anymore.

Hey, now there's a 2011 resolution. On certain issues lah. Of course not everything :)

Fighter

Will always remain one of my favourite female vocalists. Very few artists come close to her vocal range.

The silence is slowly killing me

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
So scared of breaking it
That you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters
I won't ever send
Sometimes these cuts are so much
Deeper then they seem
You'd rather cover up
I'd rather let them be
So let me be
And I'll set you free

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how
It mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be
Completely intertwined
It's not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show
So let me be
And I'll set you free

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Now I'm gonna get you back

Say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and
Waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused
So far away from you
I'm getting here
Don't care where I have to go

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
Why do you do what you do to me yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back

Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back (x2)

---

Time to put your energies into better use, Yinyee.
Sigh.

Hoik it's December

We haz had celebrated Lucas and Chun Tat's birthdays :D Both were undoubtedly fun occasions.

Lucas's was meet up/yumcha at Ming Tien, then we piled into two cars to go takei, ambushing Chun Tat along the way haha. I am a very rusty L4D player @@ Forget how to connect to the server even hehe :D The epic part was Kevin, Seng Tat and I were piled in the back of Lucas's Satria, Lucas put his hand on the gear shift and  jumped when something ran across his hand :P He yelled cockroach, Jack screamed and got out of the car too xD 

After dropping Jack off first, we took turns sitting in the death seat. Heh. 

Chun Tat's was done yesterday. I was sleepy from travelling and didn't say much. Jack picked up ST, K and I then we headed for SS2 Wong Kok. Five meters from entering, Jack made a prank call to CT saying we were in Giza Wong Kok and where the heck were the rest of them. Conman was quite convincing ;) even Lucas fell for it hahaha. 

Filed in and waited for the others to arrive. Birthday boy was made to eat a glass full of ice, pull candles out with his teeth, pranked again by Jack and then had a present giving ceremony x)

Jack came up with the idea on how to present the tuna to CT, albeit all the whispering to Jordan. We presented 7 cans to him; when it came to my turn he was rather stunned hahahaha.

Birthdays in Wong Kok seem to be a trend :P We had Seng Tat's one there too, but the prank was ST wanting to stop by Tbun on the way to Giza Wong Kok, so we (BY, ST and I) would see them (CT, TS and J) later haha. 

Hmmmmmmmm it's my turn next. Sei unfortunate that the majority of them love si ham to death... 

Hehe...

 I am slowly becoming a bagaholic.. This would be my fourth I bought this year? :D In one uni sem I have used 4 bags hehehe... Today after dropping my bros off for their movie, I walked around and wandered into Cotton On. Their "2 for RM25" caught my eye. 

I went nearer and saw the sales assistant putting more bags onto the rack. Unbelievingly I asked him whether one was for RM25. No, he answered. 2 for RM25. So happened to be the bag I was looking at the last time I was in *hearts*

Shiiiiiiiiiiitttttt.

I went mad for awhile, found a pair of footwear and snatched one bag off the handle. Unfreakingbelievable. I paid and went happily home. Lalala.

Showed mum my spoils :D :D

When I got upstairs I realised I was such a durrbrain. I have only used the bag she bought for my birthday at most two times *shame face*. And the one I bought was definitely cheaper than the one she got me >.<''

 This is for me because of my love for blue and current obsession for florals. I am mad. Cannot ah.

 My spoils for RM25 :D 

 Floral Canvas Tote original price :D

Chloe Sandals in Black original price :D

I cannot help it la; the smell of leather is intoxicating and the stitches are intricate. I'm hardly the type who would splurge for high street fashion, I can say this would be my most expensive bag so far. 

Don't Don

Violin strings and rock music. Who would've thought they would blend? :)



I'm no judge of how well the violin is played, but Henry is certainly flashy :P Youtube won't let me embed, so here. Through him I found David Garrett's Smooth Criminal :D

New respect for violinists :)

Don't call my name

This last week has been a bit of a puzzle to me.

I enjoyed as much park time as I could, but only to wake up every morning tireder than when I went to bed. Add a slight on-off fever to the mix drove me nuts. Couple fatigue with extreme boredom kinda threw me into a weekend funk.

I finally snapped out of it late last night, sigh.

As of lately I have spent quite a bit, and it worried me. Biggest purchases would be my bros birthday presents and a HDD, still, the dwindling figures in my bank account made me uncomfortable.

And...I have been feeling insecure lately >.< All that made me crack quite a lot.

Boy, two weeks after the sem ends and I'm already this close to gouging my eyeballs out for fun. Tomorrow's the day to find a job. Pronto.

If this idleness continues til next week, heck knows what I'll do =/

Life is just one damned thing after another

- Elbert Hubbard

I don't know what the fuck I want anymore.

Promise?

Self-made promises.

Sometimes tempting to break them, to go back and get the comfort I need. But as I learnt the hard way, that comfort and trust is earned. Look what happened when you tried shortcuts.

It uses more energy than I realized, and lots of time. Not now, is always the answer. Never too close to get...burned.

I wish that niggling feeling would go away. Some days it's horrible, some days bearable.

Few more months. Then I'll see how it goes.

But hor, standards have gone up. Just like as you grow older, your finances increase too ;)


Pinky promise.

This is why I love my friends pt 2

chen ze xiang says
where are you working?

Yinyee Wong says
im not sure
still looking
one area i havent tried yet, perhaps

chen ze xiang says
hmm
let's see
car mechanic


-___________________-

Inspired

Usually when I write, I have to write in silence. Else, the train of thought crashes into the station and explodes into a million trillion bitsy pieces.

Anyway.

Somehow, listening to SuJu makes me write better. The strange exception is It's You (Neorago). If you've seen me going neorago neorago neorago neorago, yeah, now you know. Haha. 

That one song just works for writing, and a select few works for other projects. So in a weird way they inspire me :) Especially now when I'm prone to doing work til the wee hours of morning. 

I loveeeeee that songgggg. I was so miffed when the iPod didn't accept the video. Along with Run Devil Run, Bonamana, SEOUL and Michael Buble's Hollywood. Strangely, Rokugo went in with no problems. CT doesn't believe that it's bias :( I think Rokugo secretly lurvessssss him. 

Life is well. One more assignment to go, and I'm done for my first uni sem.I'm quite an inconsistent person and my marks followed suit :P The final round I bucked up and gave my best. Now that it's coming to an end, it'll be weird having nothing to plan or think of. Aaah I'm going to be so boreddd.

Seriously. During crucial weeks I think, eat, sleep and dream assignments. My lifeeeee is never going to be the same again. I imposed an outing ban on myself, lalala, in effort to sit myself down to do them. 

My 2nd IDM Assignment. Now only I realize it doesn't really suit the social issue. Whoops. I had fun filming with the guys :) Took me about a week, and another two days to edit. It was funnnnn.

The making of it :)

Gahhh. Now when I look at Blogger's HTML codes, they look so simple compared the past month of constant staring at Adobe Dreamweaver's codes. Bahhh. My eyeballs burnedddd.

The last IDM assignment is editing a template to 'present' my video. Should be easier than NDPW's, but I'm not taking any chances *twiddles thumbs*.

Self reminder: Just treat it as editing one big Blogger template. Hah, I used to have the patience to sit and not move anywhere until I edited my own template to my liking. Now I'm lazy hehehe (as you can see).

Going to attempt to make my own from scratch (gulp) using XML and Dreamweaver. That will be one of my holiday projects *rubs hands in glee*. Along with watching accumulated TV series, reading books and more books, a part-time job, going on trips and outings... I forgot what else.

Just remembered the moment I hand up the last of last assignments, I still have some posters to do.... Ah..ah..hmm... Better find some time to do before this weekend. Else the PR guy will come hunting with my stolen meat cleaver with increased poison dosage... Banyak evil oh. That's why don't go to UTAR.

Wakakaka.

Oeiiiii it's raining again...

silence.

i never understood what you told me, your position. but today, 7 months later, i understand. i understand your being between a rock and a hard place, your position between two friends in love, your reluctance to hurt either one.

and you have no heart to warn the one who's going to get hurt. 
would you have believed me? 


he left.
i partied.
i drank. 
i put on fake smiles for the world to see.


hit rock bottom, that's where you start again. 

This is why I love my friends

Yinyee Wong says
okay, complaint done
haha

chun.tat says
tsk

Yinyee Wong says
what what what?

chun.tat says
sila isi Borang A. Kemudian Borang J dan bayar rm10 untuk processing fee. Hantar Borang A dan J ke kaunter 10 dengan RM10 dan tunggu 7 hari untuk diproses

Yinyee Wong says
you think you very grand ah now???


Hahahaha

Everywhere

Today I asked Ian whether he thought Eunice and I look alike. He looked at me, then at Eunice who was laughing with Cat and Vel.

"Looks-wise, yes. Quite alike. But personality-wise, very different."
"Issit? GOOD!"
"Yeah. Eunice is like funny-crazy, and you are violent-crazy."
"...you want to die is it?"

Story of my life.

---

You are really everywhere :) Even in places I don't expect to see you. Smileeeeee.
Never thought I'll feel this way again, but hell yeah

Forbidden fruit

Truth.

There is always a basis behind hype >.< Now that I have "somewhat" seen the basis, lol, I'm hooked. No other word for it.

Snow White was a trusting bitch who stupidly bit into the poison apple.

Maybe that's what I am. Poisoned by an apple. But I did not stupidly bite into it. Using a Mac week after week plays with your mind, haha. I remember messaging Lianne on the second week, telling her how I disliked Macs. Ah well, have to get used to it after some time :)

---

Uni has been great; it gives me late nights and bleary days. But heck, you know what? It gives me greater satisfaction doing assignments and projects (hands-on work lah) than just going for endless lectures and tutorials and memorizing notes for finals.

It's interesting when I find out why things are as such, and the all the trouble it takes to make your every day newspaper, I'm fascinated. A lot lot lot work goes into producing a newspaper every day, only to be folded and put in a corner after a few hours.

Also, sound in moviesssss :D Did you know the baby dinosaur breaking its way out from the egg sound was made by breaking waffles? :D :D Lol.

Initially, facing four weeks of deadlines was depressing after two weeks of holiday. Glad to say that I am now done with the third week, leaving two more deadlines next week. Then no "pressure" for two weeks, then comes hell-ish for the last four 45% deadlines.

Gulp.

I will make it through, just whether with the grades I want. I will be pretty pleased with Ds :P Cs maybe, HDs...we'll see. But I hope no Ps...

Sucks to think that now that I'm nicely settled in the rhythm, there's only five weeks left to the semester. So fasttttt :( Time flies when you're having fun xD

Faith, trust and pixie dust

I need you so close to me
Cause you're the only One who makes my life complete
(Oh, Lord I)
I know it took so long to see
You are my security, you won't go away from me
And now I know that I don't ever have to worry
Cause my heart feels so very free
You're my security

Another day here I go again, drive my self insane
Stop to think how could
I forget you're with me every single day
Now I look and I see the world you're the only one for me
Cause I don't need to search more a way to try to be more
I found a love that is so secure

You fought for my heart and you have won it
You've taken me over and I like that
I tried other love but I couldn't feel it
I'm so glad you found me
Because other relationships confuse me
The thought of a simple love is crazy
You make me feel like no one has loved me before

What now, oh?

I hate it when you do this to me. Hate it hate it hate it.

After a little while, the PG in me freaks. Why haven't I seen this before??? screams that voice in my head. Uh-huh. I suppose I can go back to being my whirlwind self after CF today. Pastor David from ACTS church preached :) I wondered why he looked so familiar, then I remembered him during Unplugged. Speaking of Unplugged, I miss Su Yen. Aih.

Anyway, the soul regenerated after the talk. Amidst wonder of wonders, he walked up to me and said hi. And apologized for not saying hi earlier.

Lololololol.
(Not Pastor David)

He knows I exist now, eh :P The joys of eye candy in class :D

The fork in the road

I admit that I'm not very good at keeping relationships. Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm sorry.

But nowadays I don't feel like socializing much either. I find myself preferring to 'camp' at home than to go out and talk to a select few.

It's September, and I feel rather disheartened. It's been awhile now. Uni's all good and well, but somehow I still feel lost; I'm not sure what I want in life. Maybe I'm still adjusting, it dawned on me that I took almost a year to transition from high school to college. Sigh, this is bad...

That day I read a tweet: "If there's nothing worth dying for, then life is not worth living."

Right now, my passions have somewhat dimmed; I don't have anything worth dying for =/ Each day I'm just drifting.

The pile of assignments add to this depression. It's do or die now. The more I do to stay busy, the emptier I feel >.< FTS la.

I need an anchor. Or a hug maybe.

Be good to me ~

It has been an epic week and glad to know it has been much amusing to someone. Will blog soon*.

Right now it's a new week and rainy Monday aaaaahhhh. Work? What work? I don't have any work. Heeheehee.

Son of a b-

AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH

Antagonist

Angry is putting it mildly.

You're the one that gave us time slots to record over the weekend, and you bloody didn't record. Excuse? "Oh, I found out that my laptop couldn't record." Bloody hell it can't. I saw your laptop; it's no 1998 machine. So my time and effort spent over the weekend was wasted, thank you very much. More work to do now; 3 steps backwards instead of 1 forward.

Same person who lent my memory card and returned it sick and corrupted. All my pictures GONE. People who do not install an antivirus program then act stupid about it are absolutely selfish and should not own a PC.

You will infect people with your ignorance. Literally.

Every picture tells a story :)

...and each holds a place in my heart 

Quiet dissonance

I want this to end. Fast.

This is hurting me more than I can stand.

Rekindling an old flame

Last night my mom asked if I would like to take up Wushu again, after more than a year's break. 

I wasn't sure. In some ways I miss it, in some ways I don't. But I'll forever be Wushu Girl in my friends' eyes, though I'm not as springy as I was 7 years ago (when I first started). Springy haha.. 6 and a half year long affair.

Rekindle?

Two years of work before upgrading to weapons in July 05 :)

It's going to be tough to start from the bottom again. Perhaps at year end, give myself time to up again. Dodgeball is insanely killing my leg muscles, it was agony waking up on Wednesday morning :p

Build foundation before jumping into boot camp again. Yes. 

Pitter patter pitter patter

Hey you.


Time flies; it's been a year since you left. Right now I'm in the library at Taylor's, the one place your mom said you would have liked to come. We all fancied getting out of there, eh? :) Most of us have moved on to degree. Jody's at Monash, Ethan flew straight to Murdoch, I'm here and Mel's still at KDU. Hehe.


But I bet you knew that already. It's raining; same kinda cold weather one year ago when you left the world. Still wish I could talk to you. Maybe you have internet over on the other side, who knows? 


Class calls. Take care, buddy :) Miss you.


xx

Haengbok

Today (or rather, yesterday) was one of the longest Mondays I had in a long time.

From getting up at 6am, and coming back from uni at 7.30pm then head out at 8.30pm and back at 12am for homework session. I'm tired, with only 5 hours of sleep the night before. Please don't let me turn into Mr LOS...

Overall, not a bad day if I say so myself. I rather like IDM lectures :) as Mr Julien encourages two-way communication instead of just one, plus lectures are interesting.

Longgg Monday. I'm glad to be home... Sleep, get through tomorrow and repeat. I like homework sessions, since I don't have the discipline to sit at my desk at home and concentrate. The bed beckons :( So, I force myself to sit on a stool for a few hours with cold milk tea in hand, coupled with a somewhat cozy environment. The first sip always makes me wince; the cold sweetness wakes me up while the caffeine fuels me for a couple of hours.

I guess I'm getting used to it; the effect wears off after a couple of hours. Fatigue still beats caffeine.

Yay.

I'mma go listen to Super Girl til my brain melts or something. Yummy double yay.

Heartquake

I am still trying to get into the studying mindset *abashed smile* Admittedly it will take me some time; I'll have to be careful with my time, or else everything will be a huge rush.

Hand on heart, I will do my best with my assignments. I will do my best not to procrastinate. And that is why I have taken measures to scare myself by putting the planner to good use and noting down deadlines. I have seen good and bad extremes, heehee...

Friday, first blog post of IDM. Next week is already Week 3. Gulp.

I'm glad my Wednesday to-do list is completed *pats self on back*

Ramble bamble mangle bangle?

Oh inspirasi, di mana engkau?

Hello jello mello. Tis' currently the 2nd week, I already have an assignment deadline for this Friday. And today I remembered listening to SNSD clears my head when I have mental blocks. Wonderful what Oh! on replay can do xD

Love love SuJu's songs :D In the midst of getting more, connection so slow :( *kicks*

I should sleep.

Bai bai all :D

Sigh..

I lean my forehead against the glass; the cold numbs my headache for a bit while your words go around in my head.

If this is growing up, I know where Peter Pan was coming from. 

Meh x n. 

Blithe

Right now as I’m typing this I'm sniffling from the cold weather mixed with dust, and my regal queen-bed is ¾ covered in clothes. 

[inserts imaginary picture. camera battery charging *grins*]

This morning I had an urge to spring clean, so I did. Threw out some old papers and tidied up the desk. Which brings me to the clothe covered bed :) I have a clothes eating monster in my wardrobe, so I'm forever in a what-to-wear dilemma. Every month I buy something new, store it and have no idea where goes it after awhile :S 

So yea, I dumped half of it on the bed in an attempt to sort it out. Most of them are t-shirts from the last five years? Makes me wonder if I'll forever be a t-shirt and jeans girl. Speaking of which, I got another two yesterday :P 

Hope it doesn't disappear. Eeeks. 

*falls off the bed with a clunk*

Sony rolls out its latest E series line :D

The colours are horrendously bright, but I like :P

Can I have all? :D

Ever conservative black :)

Source: http://www.geeky-gadgets.com/sony-launches-walkman-e450-15-07-2010/

Parachute

"Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around

I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound"

:)

It is darkest before dawn

I can't seem to be able to sort out my head and put it down on paper. 

Easiest way would be, why? Why? WHY??

Yeah. That's why I'm YY. Corny much. 

Since there will be no emo-slashwrist-deep-dark thoughts tonight, I guess I will entertain you with today's events mixed with some musings. As always. 

Wednesday afternoon Anna emailed me to say that "the little girls club" was planning a surprise lunch for Su Yen, who gave her resignation notice. I went whaaaaaaat because she planned to intern until December. Story short, she's going to UK :( And silly me, that 'thing' that they organized for her, I didn't realized it was for lunch 
-____- So couldn't make it. Anna invited me to come for the chowtut session on Friday instead. 

Today, I walked to the familiar-yet-strange red office. Everyone was gathered in the meeting room for Friday updates. I walked right into the middle of it, where they were giving their thanks to Su Yen. 

Okay, I was given the task of designing the Tech stuff, but since I am a design noob, that was passed on to SY when I left. She did a great job :D Cannot compare la, she is from a multimedia course. The chowtut session was for Ben Israel, SY and Joy who were leaving. 

I walked in, my presence was noticed and yay! I was still welcomed back :P. Warren joked that I would be taking SY's place now that she was leaving hehehe. Ate the yummy spread, and caught with some people I missed most. 

The office all signed a card for SY, giving their well wishes. I wouldn't be human if I said I wasn't the teeniest bit envious. Then again, she has found her superpower and does well in that, whereas I have not yet and shuffled from department to department learning stuff from each :P 

It's difficult; the more things I learn, the more I want to master and not just stick to one. I'm a terrible see-saw :D Saw familiar faces; Lianne, Oli, Zilch, Ben I, Ben L, Warren, both Alex Ls... :) That family feeling remained still. Lianne showed me her pictures from the recent Mount Kinabalu climb. It seemed fun! Reminded me of the OB hike, just not as cold. After Lianne I jumped over to Serene, back to Lianne then SY. 

I entered at 12pm and left almost 3pm after wishing Ben I all the best. My former mentor is moving to Singapore on a job offer :) Singapore's next social guru hehehe. 

The stuff I learned during those six months, nothing struck me more than the ways of social media. Being a communication student I guess that made better sense than Sales and Design work :P I'm still not entirely sure what I want to major in, but I hope to find out in less than 2 years.

You seeeee, from trying to record today's events I turned it into a ramble session. Aaaaaah. Long break from school has made me erm, madder than usual? :D 

Oh god. Monday awaits. I'm excitedddddddddddddddd. 

Fragile

Never again I hope to repeat today. The tiredness was so consuming, one of the moments I wish I could actually let go. Sleep didn't help. The feeling of faint whole day. Time to get my blood pressure checked again, meh.

Of dark chocolate and Westlife :D

chuntat says:
u can have the external hd if u want more
i think inside got alot
lol
BSB

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
:D now you're talkingggggggg

chuntat says:
ahaha

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
yayaya whennnnnnnnnnn
you see now. cannot sleep liao

chuntat says:
hahahahahahaahhaahhaaha
my fault la now

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
YES

chuntat says:
like that la now

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
YES

chuntat says:
-.-
give back my songs
HAHA
no
dont listen to them
ahaha

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
NOOOOOOOOO
CANNOT

chuntat says:
:P
my songs
too bad
hahaha

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
not anymore
hehehe

chuntat says:
watt the...
T_T

Yinyee - wan dai nao says:
:D

---

Thank you, KCT. You are now KCT, L.O.S., K.O.S.

Hahahaha I'm no longer feeling sappy. I'm laughing so hard. Hahahahahaha.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

So they say.

But what happens if you're tired of fighting it? What if I give it up; let it slide, stop struggling... The pendulum swings back to KDU again. Would I settle..?

I won't. The decision would haunt me. The mere thought of weekends now make me depressed. No tears yet, I won't allow them. One more week; I promise myself, one more week. The money is not worth it. 

One more week. 

Then settle this shit. Enough is enough. 

Niga joheun iyoo

Geudaega geudaega nan geudaega "Saranghae saranghae neol saranghae" rago marhal ddae nareul midge dwae
Geudaega geudaega nan geudaega gamanhi gamanhi nae nooneul bomyeo wooseul ddae nado wootge dwae

Ugh

Germany lost to Spain.
I have a bad feeling they're never going to call me back.
I'm working 10 to 10 for 6 days in the next week.

Never thought I'll say this; I'm the depths of despair D:

1. I'll get over it in due time
2. Worst case I'm going anyway, with advanced standing.
3. It will be absolute hell.

Waiting for 18th July, 10.30pm. 1 & 3 will be over by then, leaving 2 to haunt me.

I hate the great expectations, it's hereditary *buries face in pillow* I have lost weight to the point where my jeans don't fit me on the hips anymore :( So not funnyyyy..

Genetically...

Mum. Me.

*screams from downstairs* CHRIS! Got a letter from immigration for you!
Huh? What about? *runs downstairs*
Don't know.

Then she started tearing away the strips. Read and puts the letter down.

Oh. Your passport is expiring. On December 6th.
This year?
Yea. Have to renew lor. Cost RM300 to renew. Don't go to Singapore la you. Leave you behind.
Nooooooooo...
Cannot go HongKong also.
How caaaaaaannnnnnnn???

---

Omg my mummy damn mean. I now know where I got it from.

Jokers who make my day :)

Monday night, OTWC. One of our regular haunts.

Jack sleeping on CT's new textbook 

Smoker has new tricks :D

A new kind of cards

Speak no football

See no football

Err..

Yours truly and KS who is going to Korea in a few weeks' time. Rawr.

Charles Dickens - The Great Expectations

I thought...my future in KDU was set. I put in my best for the last semester and graduated with a CGPA of 3.44, hoping for a Merit Scholarship. I was a bit crushed; the minimum for qualifying is 3.5. So I thought, heck it, I did my best. A bit of me died knowing I couldn't meet your expectations. You were always on to me get a scholarship since I was young. Even if it was a partial waiver. Just that 0.06 stood in the way.

That changed when Mel told me about Murdoch possibilities. The cost, coursework, somewhat expectations. I then had a rough idea of what the degree I wanted would be. After last Saturday, that had me disappointed. It was not what I had in mind at all. Yes, it is partially my fault for not finding out about it more. But then again, August was a long way off.

Last weekend I slammed off to work, angry that you didn't understand. I wanted more choices; couldn't face another 2 years of dreary theoretical work. You told me to stick to it, 2 years would fly by in no time. On Sunday you left me with, "If you were better at Math, you'd have more choice. Like Accounting or Engineering."

That boiled me so bad. Of course, you were in the IT industry. You don't get it. What would the world be without Creatives? Boring as hell. No news portals, no movies, no music, no nice websites with great UI even.

You were so set on me going back to KDU; I blanched at the thought and did my own research. Monash was out of the question; fees were expensive and 3 years was still a long time even though I was able to get exemption. Time wasn't my friend; I had maximum 2 years to graduate on your clock.

This morning... calls to UTAR and Taylor's were made. Right there and then, the counsellor told me I qualified for 50% scholarship off total tuition. Those few words lit me up. A scholarship, one I never thought possible. That afternoon Mom and I zipped off to the lakeside campus. The gist of it was I could do Communication and Media Management in 1 1/2 years with 50% off.

I thought you would be happy, at least. "Why didn't you work harder to achieve 3.67 and qualify for 100%" stung. Right there and then I wanted to scream. I realised I can never achieve your expectations. That bar raises every time. Sure, it pushes one to greater heights, but... I am not that person you have in mind.

After an hour's tour around campus, I already half made up my mind. Beautiful place chock full of inspirations for the mind to ponder. 4-storey library, Mac labs, 23 computer labs, newsroom, radio room... more than I could ever hope for when I could not go overseas.

Isn't this what they talk about, the great college and uni life experience? Independence and a great campus to run around?

On Thursday we're going again to finalize stuff, register perhaps, if word comes back about the scholarship interview. I have my fingers crossed so hard I think they'll stay that way even after the call back. They said 2 to 3 days, final word on what exemptions I get would take a week. Final decision comes from UniSA.

Joanne says it's going to be one hell of a ride. 4 subjects, 3 assignments each. 100% coursework. I need luck. I'm going to do my best.

But this time, I'm doing it for me :)