'bZ'

3rd day has ended :D Monday wasn't that blue thanks to Ikea's cappucino and the LOS King. Work is bearable with books and music, thankfully :D Should I or should I not succumb to wiping plates?

The music on my Now Playing list follows my mood. I guess it's currently on electronica/dance/clubbing? HAH.

Kpop really is an acquired taste hahahhahahaa xD

Mwerri Kwismas

*nyam* :D

Life as we know it

Currently listening to my favouritest song in the world now has made me nostalgic. Looking through my photos from 2005 to now, it really strikes me how I and the people around me have grown. You grow accustomed to changes and when I looked back just now, I didn't realize because it was so gradual.

You adapt.

2005: Wushu was a huge part of my life then. Along with the Maths Gang, the girls and PMR. All I had to worry about was making time for friends, practicing enough to score an A in Math and making my wushu routines perfect.

2006: Wushu was still a huge part, but a significant person entered my life, and stayed for almost three years. Here was when I took part in more activities in school, met Khai Sim in Unggul and enjoyed traipsing to the park every day in the evening. Said significant person transferred from Taman Sea to DJ and was one of my year's best athletes. Said significant person chose this nerdy librarian and practically overnight I was known in school. One heck of a change; don't play play with DJ's hierarchy :) It's a jungle. Also scored myself a place in Selangor's Youth Wushu team; that was a 16 year old's dream :)

2007: Juggled significant person, SPM, friends and was very challenged when had to perform for Agung's installation. Travelling every evening for a few weeks to Dataran to rehearse til midnight, come home to sleep and go to school a zombie the next day. Couple that with 3-times-a-week training, now looking back, I didn't know how I coped then :P Also had notorious classmates :D Every day was a fun day; Mersawa was legendary. SPM results weren't brilliant, but that didn't matter as much to me; I knew what I wanted to do.

2008: Entered college; here was when we began to drift apart. Some things just happen, and sometimes you don't know how to fix them. Made more new friends, some to appear in my uni life currently :) Wushu also was waning, at times quite tiresome. Come 2009, it marked the 7th year since I started the sport. I was also a regular at the park by now, but would only go when Khai Sim asked me to. It was still a foreign world; it was just fun to watch them play basketball. Pasar and birthdays I was brought along because of her.

2009: Was one of the turning points in my life when the decision was made to sever the knot. Life and sleep was difficult, but I kept going. That was until middle of the year :) By then I knew a few of the guys at park; Jack, Kevin, Lucas, Xiang, Ben.. Khai Sim had found herself a job at E-books. That evening I had a headache from studying for finals, so I walked to the place where I knew I would find peace: the park. Kevin and Ben gathered a few of us for a pasar trip :) Jack, Lucas, Kevin, Ben, Xiang, Jeremy and I :)

Found ourselves with bubble tea/sui char with the guys discussing Dota while I rolled my eyes. I knew KS was working that night, so we planned to surprise her. Oh, she was surprised all right :P From then on, Park Kakis were formed. I always thought PKs were a unique bunch that just..clicked. From that Sunday night onwards, we found ourselves at the park, weekly pasar trips and meet ups whenever we could, it was an interesting time where everyone was getting to know each other.

I got to know Boon Yen and Jia Ping when KS brought me along to my very first Scream K session with them. JP picked us all up, KS overslept and they warmed up by singing MJ in the car. I was treated to a live performance of Earth Song; vocals by JP and actions by BY. Truly, truly memorable. Was also the time I brought them in to work at BR's 31st. Believe it or not, this was the time Centrepoint's sales rose by several thousand and got better every time.

I also got hooked onto L4D, thanks to KS, Lucas and Xiang who brought me to play my first game. PKs also had a lot of interesting adventures. I'm quite tired of explaining by now, so I'll say this for the final time. Like I said, it was a time where everyone just clicked and hung out practically every other day. Xiang and I got talking over MSN and a bond formed to the point we talked almost every day and I could tell him stuff. We were never 'that way'. He was the oldest of all of us (except the times when SK came along) and I saw him as the older brother I never had. He taught me how to play L4D, CS and CDT, but basketball never stuck :P

Of course, most of the times I was the only girl in the group and he watched out for me. And with that too, comes rumours. When he left for UK I was upset, but life goes on. Uni took up most of his time and with the time difference, that friendship slowly diminished. Then, comes in Ben. Yes we dated for a few months. Yes I was aware he was too, going off to UK. But..some things you can't decide to switch off.

The beginning of 2010 was messy, but to give him credit, I had one of the best birthdays EVER.

2010: PKs had some new members :P Kevin brought in SK, BY brought in Chun Tat. I started my internship and had a very interesting 6 months there. Like most relationships, once you know a person at their best and worse, the ugly side shows. Several disputes erupted and I took time to sort through them. Was it wrong of me to interfere? To make things better? The memories of PK happy times were too good to be replaced with ugly ones. Slowly from one big group, PKs broke into smaller cliques to go for outings to keep people happy. Some nights I went takei with CT and BY at Tbun haha. But majority of big group outings were no more. Ben and I ended things at the end of February. It hit me harder than I expected; took me quite some time to pull myself out of depression and cool the molten lava fury I had.

Cliche by now and yes, life went on.

I didn't want to face the emotions upon ending my first relationship, I let myself believe that if I kept myself busy enough it would go away, versus the crying-myself-to-sleep-every-night. Took me long enough to realise it didn't work, it haunted me until November. I had my first long break since high school ended, that left me with a lot of free thinking time and I was busy working.

Internship was a valuable experience; working life had its ups and downs and stressful moments. Chun Tat and Jack, I'm very grateful to you both for making a lot of stops to take me out for lunch and cheering me up with endless threads on Facebook :) Thank you Chun Tat for playing driver for most of our outings; BY's birthday, takei sessions, scream K sessions, pink Wednesdays at BR and other stuff I can't think of now.

After internship came a crazy month of at a certain bookstore chain :) That was when I lost the weight I gained from yummy lunches with Integricitizens. PKs slowly became international; Xiang and Ben in UK, Kevin left for Australia shortly after. I signed myself up for a month of rest before starting uni. That was a mad process itself.

My first uni sem was a wild rollercoaster ride. My limits were severely tested and late nights became the norm. Thank you LOS King for the company :) I wrote, directed, filmed and edited a short video featuring J, CT, BY and Lucas. Though I didn't receive an excellent grade, it was an experience nonetheless. I wrote news articles, designed news pages and websites, made a whole digital production from initial idea to storyboarding to making the film and presenting it in an online format, and scratched my head to make digital stories.

At least I know which areas to improve on next sem.

Xiang returned for the summer, but things were different this time around. Sadly it took a longer time to break the ice. Pasar trips and yumcha sessions slowed down, there wasn't much to talk about anymore. We gathered to celebrate birthdays, some takei sessions, but that was mostly it. The park slowly emptied and it was hard to face a court full of people I don't share memories with.

Chor dai ti recently resurrected when we taught CT and TS how to play :) Also our yumcha venue moved to OTWC more often than MT because it was cleaner :P OTWC became a place to do our assignments; order a cup of caffeine and sit there for hours on end.

Come September, JP left for UK too. But before that we had one last scream K session with the three Mech Engineers, ST, BY and I.

During the semester, on Tuesdays it was Chian Hui's turn to drive and as a package deal, she brought me along to Christian Fellowship. For three months and half, I was lost during worship and didn't quite understand when they 'left things to faith'. But Grace told me God brought me to CF for a reason. That time, my reason was because Chian Hui was my ride home :P

December was a work drought; after that mad bookstore I wanted something more...calming. It seemed almost every job was horribly overworked and pay was abysmal. With lots of rejects and free time since the sem ended, I once came to face that emotion volcano. It bothered me a lot. There wasn't much I could do except hang out, only to come home to Facebook. Not very pleasant.

I borrowed some novels and brought back my childhood passion. Seems that I can't run away from reading and writing; it practically makes me. Hah. Slowly things began to turn around. That very night I was hooked on to SHINee, I received an sms in the early am asking me whether I wanted to work. Before I went to sleep, I said a prayer of thanks.

Funny how simple things like that can light up my entire week. That brings me to this week. I managed 5 rounds around the park for two days. Silly me slept around 1am when I was due up for the Genting trip. Even worse, I woke around 5.30am. How's that for LOS... I nearly didn't make the Genting trip because
1) It was rainy season
2) Going up in a bus
3) Genting

Plus that Cameron bus crash threw my mom into paranoia. I prayed. I prayed for good weather and a good day before I slept that night. I made it up in one piece, weather held up until 3pm when it started raining. But it  was alright. Genting theme park was stuffed with tour groups and people on holiday. I lined up for an hour and half to ride the Cockscrew! Maybe it was the lack of sleep and stubbornness of some people, so I prayed for patience in order not to blow up.

My silly friends bought tickets for the 8.30pm bus down, it was raining and we decided to go home early. The roads were wet and earlier on the way up, the bus driver was fast. Again, I prayed for a safe journey home. Call it a coincidence, but the moment I finished and opened my eyes, my friend pointed out that two cars made their way in front of the bus so the driver couldn't drive as he liked :) We reached BU safely.

I slept early that night, but it wasn't a restful sleep. Woke up and got ready for bowling with Ee May, Jia Huey and Kay Sze with Yen watching. I wasn't expecting any gifts, but Jia Huey arrived and surprised me with a Tall Starbucks Dark Mocha. I was stunned for a few moments; I had a Dark Mocha in Genting the day before :P With Santa Pig also promised me a Creme Brulee for my birthday, I erred for awhile. Yen too, arrived with a Starbucks carrier bag with two presents inside. Am touched :)

Bowling was goooood. I ended two games with a score of 86 and 96. Yeah, I had a few strikes, spares and gutter balls to balance it out. Hee :D Went to get BR ice cream after. I dropped Yen home and entered my own with a few minutes to spare before 4pm. KS came over to copy Supernatural and left for park after. I crashed on my bed until 6.30pm when I went out for dinner with the family :)

Was almost and considering cancelled birthday yumcha with PKs cuz I was seriously tired when KS called for yumcha at Wong Kok. I agreed to wait, since I was in the area anyway. That ended up with me waiting for all of them to arrive with lots and lots and lots of siham teasing throughout the night.

I had a great time, I really did :) They were all there, not as a big group as such, but it meant a lot. I stayed up again in the early am, waiting for the caffeine to make its exit.

Since that night things turned around, I think I have found the reason You brought me to CF. It took awhile to see it, but I saw Your grace :) After that first prayer, for the first time since the year started I finally felt at peace with myself. I could finally forgive my mistakes, horrible and made in error of judgement they were. If He could forgive, so could I forgive myself.

2010 is almost ending; after my birthday the year seems to speed up. The year wasn't perfect. Good things balanced out the horrible. I had good friends to keep me away from destructive thoughts. 2010 was a year I learned and probably went through a lot of emotional and physical turmoil. I had my limits tested and stretched. I found myself doing projects I never thought possible of myself.

I'm not perfect; I get grumpy when I'm hungry. Here's a fact for you. I have made it known to some that I do have low blood pressure. Last I checked it was below a 100. So at times when I say I'm tired, I am tired. It's tougher when I'm being made to wait for food. My blood sugar drops. My strength goes. I get grumpy and tired.

Also, I do have a temper. In anger, I say things I don't mean. But if you mean a lot to me, I will always make it up to you. Unless you really deserve it and I can't be arsed. I find myself the on the receiving end of people's complains. I do have limits and when you drive me up the wall, I have the right to get it out of my system.

In gratitude, I have listened to complains to downright insults about my friends. But I don't say anything to you because you have done a lot for me. It may irk some because someone is behaving a certain way, but I've learned to understand the reason behind the behaviour and how the person is. It makes life so much easier after that. And bearable. I can't change who you are, but can I change my perception towards you.

I'm only human; I make mistakes and regret decisions, but those make who I am today. I get my heart broken   and some days things just don't go the way I want them to. Last year, Xiang discovered this random quote generator. The one that sticks with me is, "Every day is a new day". Of course it doesn't apply to everything, it's enough to remind myself the morning after a bad day.

Wow... I haven't written such a long post in a longggg time... It's kind of a liberating rawness. But a good kind :) Well.. I have to work tomorrow, but Christmas is just another day to me when it means the world to someone else. Doesn't matter that much to me.

I'm glad to say I have reignited some old friendships. They are the best kind, ya know? :) Like stars, they will always be there. You just have to notice them.

Okay it's 9.30pm. I can't delay eating dinner any longer, though still feeling full from my 'sandwich' at lunch. Sandwich. What a con.

p.s. If you're extremely curious about the post below this one, ask. Assuming is dangerous ;) There is a reason why I call this blog Conversations Inside My Head.

Let this love begin

As if I was shaken up by love, this trembling feeling has made everything unclear. So I try and focus on only you but I can't reach your heart, leaving me torn apart.

But as I get closer, you move further away. Even in the sunlight; as I get nearer, you become harder to find.

All about you, love you ♥ I wanna be with you, only you. My heart has always been the same, I left it still for you. The same heart you seem to have a grip on is still beating.

Even if I threw everything away and was left with nothing, I only need you cause you're my everything. And if you ever wanted anything, I would give it all to you.

My love ♥

20

Genting with MG :)
Bowling, dinner and then yumcha supper, my 20th was a blast :)

Thank you all who wished, attended and celebrated with me :D The theme was dark choc, haha. But underlying one was siham :P Thank you PKs for the cake, too.

You gave me a celebration to remember, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you (: Haven't had enough sleep for the past few days, but what the heck, I'm touched nonetheless.

I'm 20 ahaha *dances*

Love still goes on

It's 1.21am and I'm still not asleep :P

I have spent the last hour devouring SHINee's Lucifer. I have to say, even SuJu's albums did not hit me that hard. Individual songs, yes. Lucifer hit me with the force of an incoming meteor.

A couple of hours ago while trading viruses with CT, I said I hadn't found any good music in awhile. Then Lucifer/Hello hit me.

Omgomgomg :D :D :D :D :D

To make up for my previous misses, I may be able to work in December after all :)

I'm blessed, I really am :) Thank you Big Guy in the Sky :) :) Thank you thank you thank you thank you :)

Fivefivefivefivefive

My body says SLEEP, dammit, but my mind is enjoying SHINee's tunes :P

Okay I lied, Korean week came earlier than expected. I have a feeling it might turn into Korean month. Getting good goosebumps omgomgomg :D Goosebumps. I never get goosebumps!!!!!

Ajajajaja.. Maybe it's the mood BUT the songs are hitting the right spots!!!!!

LOVE!!!!!!!

Hello, hello

Banyak comel.

---

There is such a thing as trying too hard. After many rejects and applications, I decided to give it up for working in December. If cannot, cannot lah.

Yesterday I finally returned Yen's long overdue books heeee. I came back with several Cecilia Aherns, Nicholas Sparks and Mini Shopaholic, the latest from the Shopaholic series. As I'm typing this, I have just started on Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, having finished Mini Shopaholic and The Last Song.


Yinyee Wong says
hehe
i finished shopaholic and the last song d

BabyShim Yen says
OMG! bookworm really bookworm ==

Yinyee Wong says
xD

BabyShim Yen says
less than a day = =
GOD!!!!

Yinyee Wong says
hahaha

Hehe *twiddles thumbs* That's about 893 pages since yesterday... And I thought I lost my speed-reading talent. Yes talent *cough*. Modern technology makes you impatient. I remember finishing Mini Shopaholic around this time yesterday, after coming home from the potluck.

The agony of tearing myself away from the most kancheong part to show face at the potluck :(

Both were good books; one made me laugh so hard and the other made me cry.

Several of Nicholas Sparks' books were made into movies, but I'm not sure if I want to watch them. The expectation I have for them is never reached. The story I read just doesn't match what's in the movie and that annoys me to the core.

Prime example: Harry Potter.
Yes, the movie's fine for those who haven't read the books. Sorcerer's Stone was acceptable, but Chamber of Secrets put me off the series entirely. I started watching again when I had forgotten the minute details of the books and it was easier to swallow.

Ya lah, I know I very anal.

But, the books painted such a magical picture and I was at the point where I was so into the story that I could picture the scenes and dialogue. You tell me that won't annoy you when you close the cover of the book, satisfied and the movie doesn't do the book justice??

Which brings my next growl, Twilight.
Mamma mia, the books were fine; Bella was told to be a smart girl in advanced placement classes with opinions and in the movie I wanted to hurl. Yeaaaa, there WAS too much dialogue and the two were such statues. Twilight I watched on pirated DVD with extremely bad quality didn't help at all.

It was a mistake to watch New Moon in the cinemas.... NO, not my idea at all to watch it.

I'm ranting, aren't I.. Hehee..

My sister always said I read at the speed of a bullet train. When that fact reached my parents, my mom discouraged me from buying books because she said there was no point :P My mom even bribed me a book for every 'A' I got in school because I wasn't doing that brilliantly. I wasn't hard to be kept occupied as a child; throw me a book and I'd be curled up in a corner for hours (depending on said book).

Oh I just made myself akin to a dog...

When I reached that age that was too old for kids stories and still too young for chic lit, I was at a loss. What the hell to read laaaaa... Fortunately Harry Potter, Roald Dahl, Louise Rennison, Lucy M. Maudgomery came to the rescue for the last 10 years.

I am still considering buying the whole lot of HP over the other kind of HP. All for less than RM300, when I'm fighting with myself over getting a RM700 HP. What is wrong with meeee?? At one point I was considering getting a Kindle, since I could not ever match my reading speed with available books. It's true reading on a Kindle will not beat the feeling of holding a book... but heck, I'm looking at ease of getting books (albeit electronic form) over storage space and the feeling of knowing a story back to front.

Sources have been scarce :D I shamelyfreely admit there are some books I can pick up and continue reading at a random page because I know it off by heart. I'm not sure what to do when I finish the pile. Most likely and ruthlessly read them over and over again before returning them to owner :D


BabyShim Yen says
no comments la

Yinyee Wong says
you just commented xD

BabyShim Yen says
really la
i am speechless
thats all speeecccchhhhllllesssssss

I love youuuu, Yen. Heeehee. I shall return to Dear John now, and try my extreme best to prolong my time with the book. Nothing I can do once I'm transported into the magical land of.. Oh stop it, this is not Narnia. Now there's a series I have devour again before the next sem starts :D *looks around wildly*

Okay, okay, read a bit more then sleep. I have been commissioned to wash ye olde Mitsu station wagon tomorrow :D It was fun after washing the Viva that day.......

I better end before I go off on another ramble :D

Promises

I will not compromise anymore.

Hey, now there's a 2011 resolution. On certain issues lah. Of course not everything :)

Fighter

Will always remain one of my favourite female vocalists. Very few artists come close to her vocal range.

The silence is slowly killing me

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
So scared of breaking it
That you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters
I won't ever send
Sometimes these cuts are so much
Deeper then they seem
You'd rather cover up
I'd rather let them be
So let me be
And I'll set you free

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how
It mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be
Completely intertwined
It's not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show
So let me be
And I'll set you free

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Now I'm gonna get you back

Say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and
Waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused
So far away from you
I'm getting here
Don't care where I have to go

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
Why do you do what you do to me yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me (oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me (oh yeah)
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back

Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back (x2)

---

Time to put your energies into better use, Yinyee.
Sigh.

Hoik it's December

We haz had celebrated Lucas and Chun Tat's birthdays :D Both were undoubtedly fun occasions.

Lucas's was meet up/yumcha at Ming Tien, then we piled into two cars to go takei, ambushing Chun Tat along the way haha. I am a very rusty L4D player @@ Forget how to connect to the server even hehe :D The epic part was Kevin, Seng Tat and I were piled in the back of Lucas's Satria, Lucas put his hand on the gear shift and  jumped when something ran across his hand :P He yelled cockroach, Jack screamed and got out of the car too xD 

After dropping Jack off first, we took turns sitting in the death seat. Heh. 

Chun Tat's was done yesterday. I was sleepy from travelling and didn't say much. Jack picked up ST, K and I then we headed for SS2 Wong Kok. Five meters from entering, Jack made a prank call to CT saying we were in Giza Wong Kok and where the heck were the rest of them. Conman was quite convincing ;) even Lucas fell for it hahaha. 

Filed in and waited for the others to arrive. Birthday boy was made to eat a glass full of ice, pull candles out with his teeth, pranked again by Jack and then had a present giving ceremony x)

Jack came up with the idea on how to present the tuna to CT, albeit all the whispering to Jordan. We presented 7 cans to him; when it came to my turn he was rather stunned hahahaha.

Birthdays in Wong Kok seem to be a trend :P We had Seng Tat's one there too, but the prank was ST wanting to stop by Tbun on the way to Giza Wong Kok, so we (BY, ST and I) would see them (CT, TS and J) later haha. 

Hmmmmmmmm it's my turn next. Sei unfortunate that the majority of them love si ham to death... 

Hehe...

 I am slowly becoming a bagaholic.. This would be my fourth I bought this year? :D In one uni sem I have used 4 bags hehehe... Today after dropping my bros off for their movie, I walked around and wandered into Cotton On. Their "2 for RM25" caught my eye. 

I went nearer and saw the sales assistant putting more bags onto the rack. Unbelievingly I asked him whether one was for RM25. No, he answered. 2 for RM25. So happened to be the bag I was looking at the last time I was in *hearts*

Shiiiiiiiiiiitttttt.

I went mad for awhile, found a pair of footwear and snatched one bag off the handle. Unfreakingbelievable. I paid and went happily home. Lalala.

Showed mum my spoils :D :D

When I got upstairs I realised I was such a durrbrain. I have only used the bag she bought for my birthday at most two times *shame face*. And the one I bought was definitely cheaper than the one she got me >.<''

 This is for me because of my love for blue and current obsession for florals. I am mad. Cannot ah.

 My spoils for RM25 :D 

 Floral Canvas Tote original price :D

Chloe Sandals in Black original price :D

I cannot help it la; the smell of leather is intoxicating and the stitches are intricate. I'm hardly the type who would splurge for high street fashion, I can say this would be my most expensive bag so far. 

Don't Don

Violin strings and rock music. Who would've thought they would blend? :)



I'm no judge of how well the violin is played, but Henry is certainly flashy :P Youtube won't let me embed, so here. Through him I found David Garrett's Smooth Criminal :D

New respect for violinists :)