Piece by piece

I really don't know what to say; except that everyone leaves eventually. Your sudden departure left me kinda floating. I'm not sure where to go now. Decisions, are now all my own.

I used to think I could adapt. I accepted the offer of Studio and threw myself into the challenge. Still climbing that steep learning curve. I thrived on it, but why. does. this. leave. me. so. helpless? Did it come too fast? Did I just patch up wounds without letting them heal completely? Do I need closure?

Ugh. Just so, so tired of life sometimes.

Would it be wrong for me to raise expectations for summer? That I am hoping for a repeat of last year or even better? At this rate, I think I would be bitterly disappointed. Things have changed, so much. You feel like a stranger now; I'm not sure what to say to you anymore.

I took a chance... I don't think spontaneity works that well for me. I wanted and didn't want it at the same time. Curiousity killed the cat; I'm left here. To think. Would I have changed it if I had the chance? Still undecided. It's a pro-con thing, still cannot forgive. That's what I get when I break the ultimate promise to myself. Yet, humans are curious. Experiment and learn, if you will.

I cannot decide.

Each mistake is a lesson; the past few have been ingrained deeply. I do not regret making them, yet there's a sour tinge to it.

Sigh.

I am now reluctant to get attached. They all leave, eventually. So much left unsaid. But there's you. You hit me in ways I didn't expect. I love an intriguing mind. A friend, that's all you ever were. But those conversations, I enjoyed them. I felt that you understood. I miss talking to you. I wonder if you miss me too...

Maybe I am starting to crack on the surface. Time to patch up again; this time from the inside. Brush up that shine, bring that carefree smile back.

Time. I need time again. I shouldn't raise expectations for summer, but I can't help it. I'm not sure if there's still a point of printing shirts, that dream shattered awhile back. Not sure if I still believe in it even if I do wear it, after all the wars.

Forgive, forgive yourself and move on. It depends on your own state of mind, up to you to define what's right. Stuck between social norms and my own expectations...

Sleep, bring peace to this mind which is running wild.